Written By: Dominique Jordan
November 8, 2020
That was the title of my contribution to the FIP WiSE Women Leadership Lab in September this year. This Chinese proverb is a constant reminder to me that I must have enough courage to take the first step, and the next, and the next, and the next . . .
My journey as a woman in academia was one that began with me thinking: “Why not? Let me give this a try, and if I don’t succeed or like what I do, I can always do something else.” I am embarrassed these days when I do career counselling as I have to admit that I had no plan B because there was barely a plan A. As it turns out, I was fortunate because I love my life as an academic: dreaming of new projects, mentoring students, sharing my passion and knowledge and, of course, having freedom and being your own boss.
The hardest first step that I took was accepting the headship of my department. It was a traditional department, and I was considered an outsider because I am not a pharmacist. I took this first step not because of possible power and status, but because I could potentially make a difference. Teddy Roosevelt once said: “It is not the critic that counts . . . but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause . . . and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” These words gave me strength for I, like many women, was crippled with the fear of failure because of naysayers who say that I am not good enough.
So I am now a woman leader, in a minority as it turns out. To add to my difficulties, my cultural roots are Asian but my formative years outside Asia have changed the core of me. I believe in equality and mutual respect and I speak my mind, not always to challenge but to contribute my thoughts. In an Asian society, I am considered an anomaly whereas in Australia I fitted right in. Much has been said about the imposter syndrome but I really am an imposter: I am a head of a department of pharmacy who is not a pharmacist and I am an Asian woman with western ideals. These dichotomies sometimes threaten to overwhelm me but then I remember to choose to be me. The leader that I want to be is one who is authentic, warts and all.
I am nearly at the end of my term as head and taking that first step has certainly given me unnecessary anguish and worry. But it has also given me something extremely valuable that no one can take away from me — experience and the chance to implement change. What is life after all if not a collage of people, experiences and adventures during your time on earth?
To all women out there I say: no matter who thinks that you are not good enough, only you can make the choice to begin your own journey of a thousand miles. What do you have to lose? Pride? Reputation? Believe me when I say that you can gain more (strength, resilience and the adventure of a lifetime) by having the courage to take that first step.
About the author: Christina Chai is head of the department of Pharmacy at the National University of Singapore